/ #pregnancy #postpartum 

The Fourth Trimester

I’m past the worst and I’ve made it. The first three months of Caspian’s life, that is. The fourth trimester.

The fourth trimester is a hectic time. You still feel kind of pregnant, and you definitely still look pregnant. Hormones are all over the place. Being sad, severley depressed, a little psychotic, anxious, etc. is not uncommon. Lack of sleep definitely doesn’t help all that.

I was lucky that I skipped out on postpartum depression, again. That’s not to say, however, that I was feeling completely normal either. Two years ago, after giving birth to Valentino, I would cry during every sad commercial or sad movie during the first month postpartum. “But it’s really really sad” I would tell my husband, who would proceed to look at me as if I had three heads. Then he would go and buy me roses and chocolates because he would think that it was somehow his fault, that I was mad at him or something. I would tell him over and over again…..it’s not you….that commercial was REALLY sad!!! Why don’t you believe me???

Those commercials would send me over the edge…you know, those damn humane society commercials. Or watching Palestinian and Syrian children suffering on CNN. Or those poor ducks and fois gras. Can we all please boycott fois gras??

With Caspian, the first month postpartum I didn’t feel sad, but more anxious. I kept having these unrealistic, (kind of psychotic) thoughts that I was going to get cancer and die. There was a little black dot on my pinky (which turned out to be a blood blister) and I was REALLY convinced that I had skin cancer, that they would have to amputate my pinky, and that I would then die shortly after. I freaked out about this for a whole week until I went to the dermatologist and she laughed at me. I felt so relieved.

With both babies, the first two months were the hardest. I’d be running on no sleep, recovering from a cesarean, feeling (and looking) like a zombie, and would go days without showering. The house would be a mess, laundry would pile up, and I would live on peanut butter jelly sandwiches…..because who has time to cook? Each child also presented their own challenges during their first months. Valentino had his days and nights mixed up, and would keep me up from midnight to 8am screaming so loud I’d have to wear headphones. Caspian didn’t have either of those problems. However, he would absolutely despise sleeping on his back. The only way I’d ever get him content, was to put him on his tummy…..which is the biggest no-no when it comes to newborns. Then Caspian became ill and needed surgery.

This was me:

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And then the third month postpartum comes along…..and I start seeing rainbows and unicorns. Life becomes SO much better. During this month, my baby decides to become wonder child overnight. It always happens suddenly. Suddenly, I found that I was getting a full night’s sleep. Suddenly baby starts sleeping through the night. Suddenly, baby stops crying so much, and instead begins smiling a lot. We almost even have a routine going! It was like this for both babies.

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So I made it through the toughest time, while recovering from a surgery, with a newborn and a toddler. Everything is so much easier now.

Life is good.

About: Leila Rahmanian and Salar Rahmanian

Leila Rahmanian is married to Salar Rahmanian. They live in the San Francisco Bay Area and have three wonderful kids, two boys named Valentino Rahmanian and Caspian Rahmanian and a beautiful daughter named Persephone Rahmanian.