/ #family #birthdays 

Reflections on Turning Thirty

I turned thirty yesterday. We all went to Cafe Renaissance (of course) to celebrate. This time we even took Caspian.

cafe_renaissance_vienna

Chef Ocean made me a Keto-friendly birthday cake (made of sugar free jello and sugar free whip cream). Ok well the berries weren’t keto friendly but I just put them aside.

keto_bday_cake

Of course the babies behaved like perfect gentlemen. I was a bit worried about how Caspian would do…but he only cried for one minute and was an angel the rest of the time. Valentino was happy so long as he was kept busy with something or another.

Salar asked me what I want for my birthday….and really all I want this year are CARBS! I want those hostess gas station cupcakes….you know what I’m talking about? The chocolate ones filled with cream. MMMmmmm. He said he will get them for me and I can chew them and then spit them out. #mylifesucks.

Then he kept pressing me on what I wanted, and I had to really think about it. I don’t want clothes because I don’t plan on being this size for much longer. I don’t want shoes as my feet will probably change in size too. I didn’t really want anything. I thought about it for a few days, and came to the conclusion that I wanted to give both nurseries a makeover, with a theme and all. I’ve been working away on the details and putting together a spreadsheet of all the things I want for their rooms. It’s crazy how quickly the costs add up. I’ll post the before and after pics when both rooms are finalized.

So I’ve been having a lot of anxiety over this birthday. I’ve been reflecting on how great my 20’s were, how much fun I had, all the amazing things I did with my life, and how I gained a family. I don’t think any of the years to come can beat those years.

I have pretty much achieved all my goals and then some. I wanted to travel the world, get a masters degree, pay off all my credit card debt, have fun and be happy. Getting married and having kids was not on my bucket list….but I’m definitely not complaining. Meeting my husband completely turned my life around for the better, and then having two kids felt like the icing on my cake.

I feel like in the last couple of years (after having kids) I’ve aged a thousand years and have become wiser as a result. Silly things don’t matter anymore. It’s not important to me if a friend gets offended because I’ve fallen off the face of the earth. It’s not important to be a people pleaser. My life revolves around more important things now. This is what happens when you have kids. Birthdays are also no longer a big deal. Celebrating them is almost embarrassing for me now. All that attention makes me feel weird. That’s such a stark contrast to my 20’s, where I’d be celebrating at the club with bottle service and friends pouring vodka down my throat. Sometimes I look at my younger self and wonder, where on earth did I get all that energy from? Coming home at 4am….What?!!?

I’m kind of freaking out about 30. I officially have to be a responsible adult. I have lives that depend on me. I have to keep it together. I can’t just leave and runaway into the sunset when the going gets tough (and trust me, there have been times where it’s gotten tough.)

Now what I’d like to achieve during my thirties? I’d like to solely focus on my children and raise them to be outstanding citizens. They are kind of the center of my world.

So many times I wonder, will I be as great of a mom as my own mother was? Will I ever learn to cook difficult persian dishes such as ghormeh sabzi and ashe-reshteh for my kids too? Will I ever sew fabulous halloween costumes for my babies like my mom did for me? Will I make every single birthday and holiday special for my babies? Will I tell them I love them all the time but discipline them and also be harsh when necessary?

I can only hope that I’ll do just as good a job as my mom did during these years to come.

Here’s to being 30!!!

About: Leila Rahmanian and Salar Rahmanian

Leila Rahmanian is married to Salar Rahmanian. They live in the San Francisco Bay Area and have three wonderful kids, two boys named Valentino Rahmanian and Caspian Rahmanian and a beautiful daughter named Persephone Rahmanian.