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A Sucky Situation Part Three

Click here for part 1

Click here for part 2

After a month long honeymoon in Europe, we came back home to receive alarming phone calls from Sheri, stating that people were going to steal her house. Then we started to get really worried. She then began to call us about 5 times a day. Every day we would both talk to her and reassure her that no one was going to steal her house, and that everything will be fine. But then the phone calls began to increase, and on any given day we would get 30+ phone calls, throughout the day and all through the night. She would repeat the same thing over and over, completely obsessed that people were out to get her and take her to court. We could tell that she was hallucinating and she had become extremely paranoid, and that she wasn’t sleeping at all.

She continued to call every day and night, begging us to help her. She would beg and plead, over and over. She would tell us that she cannot live like this and needed Salar to come to London. We would reassure her that everything is okay and that no one is going to take her house, and Salar will make sure of that. We would then hang up the phone, and she would call back 5 minutes later saying the exact same things she said during the last conversation. It was like it was on repeat, and nothing you could say would stop it. You could not reason with her, there was no logic. It’s like it would go into one ear and out the other.

Then she started calling relatives who would then call us and ask why we are not helping her retain her house. People would actually believe what she was saying to be true, whereas in reality there was no truth to what she was saying.

We begged Sheri to go see her doctor, and we would call her doctor and fax him letters detailing her mental state. She would lie to us and tell us that she went and saw the doctor, and the doctor would tell us that she had not.

So we decided to go ASAP as she was deteriorating, and booked a next day flight.

When we arrived in London, Sheri was happy to see us, for all of 5 minutes. She would tell us that any day they are coming for her house and taking her to court. All throughout the day she would pace back and forth. She would not eat and would not sleep. She would barge in our bedroom in the middle of the night panicking. We then had to trick her into seeing a psychiatrist. It took 4 people (Salar, me, Soheil and Tata) to get her to leave the house and get into the car. We would have to beg her for hours to get her to come with us. In the psychiatrists practice and in public, she would act okay. The doctor prescribed her meds, which she refused to take. Every day was a struggle to get her to take her meds. At first Tata would try to reason with her and plead with her to. She wouldn’t listen. Then I would go and try to persuade her to take them, while being very nice and sweet. Then Salar was always last resort. He would argue with her and they would have full blown fights over this, and she would only take the meds once he threatened to leave and stay in a hotel. Getting her to take her meds took several hours and was always a battle.

After a few days, she suddenly stopped talking about people stealing her house, and started being fixated on something else…..she started to fixate on giving Salar power of attorney for her so that he can handle all her affairs. Every day she would beg him to, and would constantly tell us we needed to see an attorney as soon as possible. She said this was absolutely necessary, and went on for days telling us this needs to happen. Salar reluctantly set an appointment, thinking he will just get this done so that she may feel better and have a better sense of security since she wanted it so much.

The day arrived when we went to see the attorney. During the meeting detailing power of attorney, Sheri suddenly tells everyone “Why are you making me do this?” “How can I trust Salar?” We all stood there shocked. After days and days of obsessing for this to happen, how can she just suddenly change her mind like that once we are in the process of getting it done? That day, we were in the attorney’s office for hours. It was a complete wasted trip.

Salar then told her that he will NOT be taking power of attorney and that is actually the best thing to do. As soon as he said this, then she immediately changed her mind (again) and begged him for the rest of our stay to make another appointment so that she can sign the papers. Every single day she would beg and beg, pace back and forth, claiming she made a big mistake and now wants to go back to the attorney’s office again to sign the papers.

Salar felt defeated, angry and fed up. It looked like the more he would give in to her demands, the more it would backfire and nothing would help.

That entire trip was a nightmare for Salar. Tricking her every week to go to the psychiatrist and forcing her to take her meds were one thing, but it was completely another thing to have her manipulate other people into thinking that we came just to have a vacation and were not helping her. This would infuriate Salar. While staying with her, we would beg her to come out to buy some groceries or necessities. She would refuse to leave the house. Then while we were out we would have numerous relatives call us angry at us for leaving her alone and not helping her. We would have to explain to these relatives that it was her own choice for not leaving the house and that we had begged her to come with us.

Other times we would all be going out to dinner together, and right before leaving the house she would call relatives in the US (in front of us) and tell them that we were all going out without her and leaving her all alone. We then would just stand there stunned and speechless.

She did a GREAT job of playing victim and manipulating people.

Because things were so bad, we had to extend our trip. Every day was a struggle to get her to sleep, to eat, to shower, to take her meds, to see her psychiatrist, and to leave the house.

Shortly after we left, she followed us to Virginia and stayed with us. During her stay it was also a struggle having her take her meds in front of us. During this time, she would say mean things that would get under Salars skin and then they would fight. It was a hectic time, and Salar was losing his own mind, and unable to concentrate on his work that was really lagging. During her stay with us, we had a serious meeting with her and her close uncle about her options for moving closer to family. We begged her to move to the US, and Salar told her over and over again that he will do all her paperwork for her and help make it possible. We all talked to her for hours about seriously considering moving here and that we would all help her and hold her hand through it, but again and again, she would come up with an excuse. Then she would complain about being lonely in London.

It was like talking to a wall, you just could not get anywhere and it would just frustrate everyone.

A few months later Sheri went to Arizona and stayed in an apartment that her aunt sorted out for her. We were going to meet her there to attend a wedding, and she wanted us to stay with her but I preferred us to stay at my relatives home who also lives in Arizona, as we would spend all day every day with Sheri anyway. She then blew this up into a big problem, and we had relatives calling us begging us to stay with her instead of my relatives. Sheri then started calling people telling them to call us and tell us that we have to stay with her. She even called my mom, and my mom would get mad at me and tell me that I have to stay with Sheri. Then I would get into fights with Salar over this, as more and more people would call begging us to stay with her so that she could stop driving everyone crazy. In the end we had to cancel staying with my relatives and opted to stay in a hotel instead just so she wouldn’t feel like we were choosing favorites.

It literally felt like she was picking on her little brother. Salar would get frustrated time and time again, and would often feel like his sister was obsessing over him and loved to pick on him. He would get jealous that his older brother didn’t have these issues with their sister, and would often say “WHY ME? I’ve moved across the world to start a new life and she keeps dragging me into her world of crises! She’s ten years older than me! Why does everyone constantly look to me to solve all her problems??” Living through all this with him and seeing it firsthand, I could sympathize.

Click here for Part 4

About: Leila Rahmanian and Salar Rahmanian

Leila Rahmanian is married to Salar Rahmanian. They live in the San Francisco Bay Area and have three wonderful kids, two boys named Valentino Rahmanian and Caspian Rahmanian and a beautiful daughter named Persephone Rahmanian.