/ #family #suicide 

A Sucky Situation Part One

It’s been a while that I’ve been debating whether to write a blog entry on a topic that keeps us awake at nights. It’s a topic that many of you will sympathize and understand, and that many more of you may be confused and angry about. It’s all regarding my sister-in-law committing suicide over us not allowing her to see our first born, Valentino.

It happened six months ago, and while I’ve always wanted to write about it, I thought….maybe wait until things blow over and when people aren’t in such a fragile state about it. Let’s wait until we calm down a bit and hopefully stop being so angry about it.

Let me start out by saying, we both have big families, and Iranians love to gossip and judge. I think it’s even in our genes. I’m not saying all Iranians are like this (I’d like to think that I’m not) but lets face it, we kind of are.

So when my sister in law committed suicide…..people had A LOT to talk about.

When you think about it, it seemed so simple to the average person: “Sheri killed herself because her brother wouldn’t help her, sent her mean emails, and forbid her from seeing Valentino.” What people may not immediately realize is that, in fact, Sheri killed herself because she was suffering from a mental illness…not because she was lonely, not because her brother was mean to her, and definitely not because of Valentino. She killed herself because there was a chemical imbalance in the brain, and that is all.

You cannot judge a movie based only on the last ten minutes of it. The last ten minutes cannot capture all the detail, the history, the reasons behind people’s actions.

People who know us may wonder…. “why are they so mean?” But people who REALLY know us know that there must be a reason for our madness. Salar is the most kind hearted person (and I would know as I am his wife and spend the most time with him). His family means the world to him and he prioritizes his family above anything else. And no I’m not just saying this because he is my husband…..He REALLY prioritizes us above anything and everything else. And that is not a crime.

Many people think they have a clear picture of what happened by listening to Sheri’s accounts of the story. It all seemed very clear from what she explained to everyone: She needed help because we would not allow her to see her nephew. That’s all she wanted, and we denied that to her, and it was too much for her to bear.

Well let me talk about what really happened. And no I am not writing about this to defend ourselves or to make Sheri look bad. I am writing about it so that before people pass judgment they will hear the other side of the story. I am writing this so that it may help others understand the illness. We have many relatives who will not speak to us anymore, many more people who have “defriended” or blocked us, and people who are filled with resentment. It breaks my heart because these people are our friends and family. People who have celebrated with us in our wedding. People who I love and people that I would have liked to have been closer to.

Because what I have to say is too long for one blog entry and may become an eye sore….I’m dividing it into sections.

Click here for part 2

About: Leila Rahmanian and Salar Rahmanian

Leila Rahmanian is married to Salar Rahmanian. They live in the San Francisco Bay Area and have three wonderful kids, two boys named Valentino Rahmanian and Caspian Rahmanian and a beautiful daughter named Persephone Rahmanian.